Saturday, March 20th, 4:03 AM

I'm shaking, so I must be in shock. It's hard to think properly, hard to get these words down on the computer. I've only been scared worse twice in my life; once when I was eight and had a terrifying nightmare, and again when I was nineteen and almost drowned. The difference this time is that I'm not scared for my own life.

I have two friends, brothers, who I'm pretty close to. We haven't known each other very long, but they are both really great guys and loads of fun to be around. I just found out that they were in a terrible car accident. They were driving with their dad and got t-boned by a runaway semi truck.

I don't know if they're going to make it. I got the call while they were on route to the hospital, and I don't know what condition they are in. I was told that their car is a complete wreck. When I asked if I could meet them at the hospital to see who they were doing, I was told that I couldn't because I'm "not family," even though they don't have any other family. So all I can do is sit at home, worrying and trying to get back to sleep.

Are they going to survive? Will there be any permanent damage? Will life ever return to normal?

Edit: Saturday, March 20th, 5:03 PM

They're going to be okay. I got a call this afternoon from the hospital, and the brothers are going to be okay. The younger one is pretty cut up, but nothing serious, and the older one was unconscious for a few hours with damage to his liver and kidney, as well as a really nasty bump on the head.

The father, unfortunately, didn't make it. They tell me that he was awake and walking around for a little while, but that he collapsed unexpectedly and passed away.

They're still not letting me come see them, because the older brother is still in really critical condition, but as far as I've been told, they're going to be just fine. I've spoken with the younger brother, he called me as soon as he'd found a phone, and he's a real mess. Everything that's happened, from what he's told me, I'm really not surprised that he's emotionally a wreck.

But the boys are going to be okay, which is what is most important.

Protagonize

So, I've been floundering for the last little while when it comes to my writing. I'm not in a writing group any more, so I don't have anyone cheering me on, or even telling me I can do better. I finally decided on Tuesday that I needed something, so I googled 'writing communities'. I checked out a couple that popped up, but nothing looked like it was what I was looking for, until I found the site called Protagonize. It had a cool layout, a great logo, and from what I read about it, it was exactly what I was looking for. A website where writers can get together and either write solo stories or collaborate with the rest of the website.

I signed up and immediately jumped in, posting something I had written that morning and introducing myself on the forum.

Ten minutes later I got a comment on my story. She, the girl who had read it, said that she really liked it and was pleased that I had almost perfect grammar. This made me feel all bubbly inside, and I was so pleased that posting more on the website as been the only thing on my mind since then.

I would definitely recommend this website to all you writers out there. If you already are a member, look me up under DHNoble.

I'm sick of making plans that never pan out.

Let me clue you in on a secret of mine; I'm a big planner. I make plans for everything, from what's going to happen when my family moves to Iowa without me, to what I'm going to do during the day. The only thing is, I never actually follow through with the plans. If I've made a list of things to do during the day, they never get done. If I do research and make plans for my schooling, I change my mind. I've changed my mind half a dozen times about whether or not I was moving with my family to Iowa. (currently it's not, and as far as I know it's not going to change, thank goodness)

This has always been a big problem of mine. I make plans to work on one of my novels and end up getting side tracked by another. I make plans to work on the one that side tracked me, and I get side tracked again. I can never stick to one project longer than a few days, and it's driving me nuts. I'm almost ready to throw the proverbial towel in. Almost, but not quite.

I'm going to make one last-ditched attempt to get my life situated. My dad sent me some job training ideas, and as soon as I can open the file I'm going to start working on acquiring a skill that will earn me more than $150-$200 every two weeks. I'm determined to get out of my night owl, TV, and generally lazy habits, and get into some better habits.

It really hit me in the last week or so that I only have another few months before I'm completely on my own. And the way I'm living my life right now, I won't survive at all. I don't make enough to pay rent and insurance, my job isn't completely steady, and I generally have too much time on my hands.

So from now on, I'm a changed woman. I'm no longer the lazy do-nothing that I once was. I'm going to be proactive about my future.

Just as soon as I quit blogging as a way to procrastinate.