Recently I've discovered that most, if not all, holidays fail to elicit any kind of excitement. When I was younger I used to always get that tingly, stay-up-all-night feeling the night before, and most of the month before a holiday was spent thinking about the holiday and how much I loved it and how excited I was.
As I've gotten older, though, holiday's have lost their magic to me. Maybe it's because I have an unrealistic expectation of holidays, and it never turns out that way in my family.
Here's some examples.
Christmas. I love Christmas. I love celebrating the birth of our Savior, but I also love decorating the Christmas tree, being secretive about presents, going caroling in the cold, ice skating, making snowmen, etc. My absolute favorite thing about Christmas has always been sitting in the living room with only the Christmas tree lights on and everything silent except for the soft sound of the snow outside.
Of course, my mom doesn't believe in, or like, Christmas trees, so we rarely have them. Instead we have a manger with a baby Jesus tucked inside. Now, I know that Jesus is the true center of Christmas, but I never feel like it's Christmas when we have a manger. I always feel like we've left out an important part of the holiday, the Tree. When it gets closer to Christmas I'll explain what I mean.
Here's another example, Halloween:
Halloween has been my favorite holiday for ages and ages. What could be better than dressing up as someone or something else and parading around the neighborhood to get candy? I mean, it's candy, how can you go wrong? I personally went trick or treating until I was seventeen. I know that's completely against the rules, but I had a legitimate reason, I was always with my younger siblings. (Except for that one year I went with some really good friends)
But the last two years I've been delegated to handing out the candy, and it just hasn't been the same. I don't get excited about the holiday because I'm not preparing a costume for it (I've never been invited to a party except at work) and both years I've passed out candy no more than five people came to the door all night. Even in a small Iowan town, where you would think people felt safe.
Plus, Halloween has sort of become a holiday to scare yourself, what will all the haunted houses and scary movies that happen around Halloween. People have forgotten what Halloween really is, and what it was meant to be. (Maybe I just have a romantic take on the holiday)
One last example, Thanksgiving.
The final harvest feast before winter settles in, where family gathers together to celebrate their blessings. I had completely forgotten about it this year until FOUR DAYS before it was supposed to happen. Maybe it was the fact that I spent most of the beginning of the month making gingerbread houses for the branch, maybe it was the fact that our family rarely talks about it because it always stresses mom out, but I forgot about this holiday. And I really love this one. We have some amazing traditions, and I have always loved mom's cooking.
Unfortunately this will be the first in a long time that our family isn't getting together with my mom's brother. They still live in Utah, so we're all on our own this year. And next year, I'll be all by myself wherever the Air Force sends me. Thanksgiving just doesn't fill me with thanks anymore. Sure, I have a lot to be thankful for, but lately it's been hard for my family, and holidays always make me see how little our family has.
I want to feel the holiday magic again. I want to be able to celebrate, instead of just mumble 'happy [holiday]'. I want to sit in a darkened room next to the glow of a Christmas tree decorated with memories, I want to sit next to the door eagerly waiting for the next doorbell so that I can see what cute costumes kids are wearing these days, and I want to feel like I have something to truly be thankful for when we say our Thanksgiving Prayer.
Man, I feel like I'm always apologizing for my moody posts. Instead of apologizing this time, I hope you learned something valuable; Don't take holiday magic for granted if you have it.
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